i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Randomize
