So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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