cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
