Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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