Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
