I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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