I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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