is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
