He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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