you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
