First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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