Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
