are you so shy because you have an std?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
