Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Semen is not good for contacts.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
