Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
