i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
