apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
