Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
