Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
