This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
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