she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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