i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
