speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
