Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I touched a dick in church today
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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