you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
