I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
