Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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