Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Randomize
