mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Watching her eat just hurts me
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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