I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
