omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
The beers last night were like the tears from god
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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