This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
