what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
