he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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