Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
