yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
