Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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