nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
