I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
