Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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