is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
