okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
