i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
