Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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