How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I think a kid would responsible me up
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
