I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
How drunk are you?
Completed.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
