Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
