Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
