'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
