My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
