R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
this just has baby written all over it
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
