My nipple is on Facebook.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
