Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
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