piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
