i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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