Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
