...so i touched it.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
