Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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