you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
