She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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