You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
