i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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