Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
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