i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
You are a booty call, not a friend.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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