dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
