if i can run in heels then i can drive
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
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