He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
