...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
