do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
