i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
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