I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
