you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
