i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
my liver is dry heaving
We need to get me chipped asap
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
