My liver just broke up with me...
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
