my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize